I don’t watch reality shows. I’ve never been pulled into an episode of “The Kardashians,” “Real Housewives of Beverly Hills,” or “Selling Sunset.” But it didn’t escape the social media hurricane of #Scandval, the cheating scandal between three cast members on the ‘RHOBH’ spin-off show Vanderpump Rules.

For the uninitiated, the show follows the antics of employees at “RHOBH” star Lisa Vanderpump’s West Hollywood restaurant, Pump, Sir and Tom Tom.

Former restaurant workers Tom Sandoval and Tom Schwartz are junior partners at TomTom and recently opened their own restaurant and bar, Schwartz & Sandy’s, in Franklin Village.

The CliffsNotes version of #Scandoval involves Sandoval’s affair with Ariana Maddix, his partner of nine years, and one of Ariana’s closest friends, Raquel Reavis. The two admitted to having an affair that lasted seven months. Fans are angry with Tom and Mrs. Sandoval cheated and claims Schwartz always knew what he knew. (He made out with Revis even after his soon-to-be ex-wife, Katie Maloney, asked him not to date him.) If you need more clarification, my talented colleague Yvonne Villarreal will tell you.

Needless to say, people are mad at Mr. and Mrs. Tom. With angry viewers flooding her TomTom and Schwartz & Sandy’s Yelp pages, the site had to do the following: turn off comments to both restaurants.

Following #Scandoval, I visited all four restaurants and talked about the only thing no one was talking about: what it’s like to actually eat at these restaurants. And yes, if there is any hope that cast members will be sighted.

Sur Restaurant & Lounge

You wouldn’t expect to meet the show’s performers during brunch on an overcast Sunday at a restaurant with the acronym for “Sexy and Unique Restaurant.” But there is Peter Madrigal, with his hair in a low ponytail, chatting with a table of young women. According to IMDb, he appeared in his 91st episode of the show.

“I didn’t expect to actually meet him here,” one woman said, smiling at him. “Would it be nice if I took a picture?” We don’t want to bother you. ”

“Of course,” he replied.

I ask my host if this happens all the time.

“If he’s here, yes,” she says. “But he likes it. He’s like a mascot.”

She led us to our table, through at least 5 different seating areas, and was amazed at how huge the restaurant was. It’s not exactly vast, but it’s like an endless maze. Like walking through a Winchester house. There are dozens of corners where you can take someone aside and chat. If she’s worried that her boyfriend is cheating on her best friend and wants her ex’s new girlfriend’s opinion on the matter, there are plenty of places to have that conversation.

Sur, like other restaurants featured in the drama, has become a tourist destination for fans who want to be close to the show. Diners seem to be pulling out their phones and looking for someone, waiting to find their favorite cast.

And the dish on everyone’s table is fried goat cheese balls.

“Goat cheese balls have become very popular since they were featured on the show The Vanderpump Rules,” executive chef Nicholas Medina later wrote to The Times in an email. He makes Golden Orbs with Laura Chennell goat cheese and serves them on toasted white bread with a dollop of mango chutney.

Medina, who started her career in restaurants as a dishwasher and has worked as a cook at the Andaz and Four Seasons hotels in Los Angeles, was initially hired by Sur to overhaul the menu. All that was left was the cheese balls.

We currently estimate about 1,000 orders per month.

If you’re in Sur with friends watching the show, you should eat these to keep up with the conversation.

The drinks on the surrounding tables are of various shades of pink. I ordered Gitana and what I received was a deep coral pink. A vodka martini sweetened with strawberry puree and sugar rim. A piece of Fresno chili floats in the glass. Sweet as candy, it feels like drinking pink lemonade like liquor. After a few minutes, the sugar will make you tipsy.

Over a self-made martini, the table next to me asks the server if there is a performer on the show that day. “Only Peter,” he said, and they sighed in unison.

pump restaurant

At the risk of sounding like someone twice my age, Pump’s music is loud. It’s uncomfortably loud unless you’re gaming for a night out. So loud that on a recent visit the host involuntarily shook his hips and limped from foot to foot behind the host stand. She dances us to our table.

Pump is not a restaurant or bar. Party. From the moment you walk through the door, you are in Partyland. By the time we order our drinks, I’m scratching my head too.

I remember interviewing Vanderpump in 2014 just before she opened the restaurant.

“Everything wants to be sexy,” she told me.

Vanderpump recently announced plans to close the pump in July after almost a decade in anticipation of proposed rent increases. For now, the dining room under the canopy of 100-year-old olive trees is full.

It’s a party, but the dinner menu is also substantial. Chicken Milanese is deep fried, crispy and juicy. “Lisa’s homemade potato salad” is served on the side. It’s like having a barbecue in your neighborhood’s backyard, with chunky potatoes in the skin and a sprinkle of chopped turkey bacon and green onions.

Called “Kale on a Date,” the kale salad is better than Erewhon’s, which is loaded with grilled asparagus, cucumber, pine nuts, goat cheese, dates, and a champagne vinaigrette.

Drinks include Pom Tinnis (pink, vodka, mixed fruit, sugar rim), Vanderpump Rose Wine (no better than Whispering Angel), and Vanderpump Sangria.

It’s a spa food that you can eat while dancing at your seat. I didn’t see the cast during dinner, but a few patrons told me that Vanderpump might stop by from time to time to encourage you to get up and dance too.

Tom Tom Restaurant & Bar

I was surprised to see a check-in line at the host stand before 6pm on a Sunday. But the patio is filled with large parties over martinis. There are four women at the table next to us, three of them wearing leopard print bustiers.

TomTom is more of a bar than a restaurant. And the most important thing to remember here is that deep fryers work and work well.

I ordered the fried goat cheese balls hoping for a repeat appetizer at Soule. Similar, but served with a petite green salad garnished with pomegranate seeds and a white balsamic vinaigrette. The artichoke green chili dip is hot and simmering and is served with toasted “paprika naan chips” that taste like the fried pita chips you’d buy at a farmer’s market. The Spicy Cauliflower Wings are breaded and fried cauliflower nuggets tossed with General Tso’s imitation sauce. One is so sticky you can’t seem to remove it from the dish. Deep-fried shrimp are tucked between discs of chilled jicama and drizzled with spicy pink aioli to create tacos.

More interesting than those at Barney’s Beanery or other sports bars down the street. And it got a little better.

The women in leopard bustiers are impressive, but there is no actual cast.

Schwartz & Sandy’s Lounge

“You ask.”
“No, you do it.”
“Stop. You do it. Please. He’s right there!”

Two young women at the table next to me at Sandoval and Schwartz’s new restaurant, Schwartz & Sandy’s, are arguing over who should take a picture of Schwartz actually there. They got up from the table, quarreled and shrieked, but quickly sat down again. Finally they mustered up their courage and approached him. He happily complied and took pictures with each woman.

Another table tells Schwartz that they are from Fort Worth, Texas. Can I take a picture for you? Yes, of course they take shots with him.

This restaurant is like stepping into a 90’s Miami housewife’s version of a bachelorette pad. The front sign is neon, there is no shortage of opulent chartreuse and azure blue velvet seating, and the animal print wallpaper adds a unique touch. Are bathroom mirrors perfect for selfies?

If you’re at Schwartz & Sandy’s, you’re not crying over #Scandoval. You’re not one of those viewers who felt compelled to voice their anger at Tom or Tom on the Internet. You are there to meet Schwartz and hopefully take a picture (or take a shot with him).

If you order a cocktail, know it’s a sweet cocktail with names like Baby Shark and Wendy Peppercorn. My Negroni replaced Campari with Suze and Sweet Red Vermouth with Nonino Laperitivo, giving the drink a mustard yellow hue that matched my seat.

Most of the tables around me seem to have a drink or two and then leave. We stay there and order the Juicy Lucy Sliders. This is really juicy. With melted cheese, grilled onions, and the familiar pink burger sauce, you can enjoy the taste of America. The fries are thin and crispy, drizzled with “Cajun” seasoning and served with black cherry ketchup. We unwittingly shoved them into our mouths as we watched Schwartz take pictures with various groups of diners.

The Lobster Corn Dog is our crowning achievement, a plump cylindrical lobster sausage encased in a fluffy golden shell.

After dinner I contacted the restaurant and requested to speak with the chef about the food. Operating partner Brett Bachman initially responded, wanting to know the focus of the column. He replied but still no reply from the restaurant representative.

This is not an endorsement of the venue, food, or behavior of anyone. If you are interested in cooking, or if you want to see Tom and Tom at a glance, please make a reservation.

And at least please stop fake Yelp reviews. There are about 20 employees who didn’t sign up for TV shows or publicly flirt with their partners. They have to pay the rent too.

Call #TeamAriana if you want to know.