Note: This is a satirical piece.

Winston Churchill famously said, “There is nothing more exhilarating in life than firing a gun without achieving anything.”

Trump was beating Biden by a landslide, had survived an assassination attempt with an exhilarating fist-pump, and was poised to win big.

Kimberly Cheatle, the head of the DEI Secret Service, was forced to resign in disgrace from her Democratic-appointed post for failing to prevent the assassination of President Trump. Don't worry, she'll find a new job as head of customer service for Delta Airlines.

This was just a few weeks ago. Now Trump is running against Kamala Harris, which isn't true. She hasn't been interviewed since she became the candidate. She is radical, unlikable and incompetent. That's why she will continue to be put in the Democratic Party's Candidate Protection Program. Same thing they did with Biden's basement in 2020.

Trump isn't fighting against Kamala. He's fighting against the propaganda machine that repackaged her for him: the mainstream media.

There are body bags out there of Kamala on tape taking unjust positions on cutting the police budget, paying bail for BLM criminals, opening borders, raising taxes, etc. She voted to settle for $2 trillion in unnecessary spending that is inflationary, funds the Green New Deal scam and stupid wars, and is soft on crime.

The media is not hiding its position, they are just ignoring it. There was a time when honest journalists were exposing the news. Today they are covering it up. Babylon Bee The headline was “CNN Wins Pulitzer Prize for Removing Old Story About Kamala Harris.”

As for Kamala, they will cover up or bury her ultra liberal past and her on the nose boring comments. They will try to reposition her. Jesus turned water into wine. Our media will turn whiners into Jesse Watters.

Fellow liberal and greasy Gavin Newsom is championing her revisionist cause. He wants to get the homeless off the streets of California, which has suddenly become a dystopian hell. To be fair, it's hard to tell the difference between a homeless man sleeping on the street and a man who just lost an argument with his wife. If enforcement works to get rid of the homeless, Democrats will turn their attention to cracking down on murder next.

After repeating their battle cry that Trump is a “threat to democracy,” the Democrats nominated Kamala Harris as their candidate in an online delegate count 14 days before the convention. I now know four truths in life: never ask a woman her age or weight, a man her salary, a German person why his grandfather lived in Argentina, or a Democrat how to choose their party's candidate.

Trump will win if he can get through the liberal media because his policies are better. He has to strike a contrast. He has to stop insulting people (he called his opponent “low IQ”). Trump uses so many adjectives that if you caught him alone you'd stab him to death.

The Democratic Party has no ideology. There is no deep ideological current running through them. They are driven only by their hatred of Trump and their desire for power. It is not a policy position, it is a state of mind.

The confusion continues…Kamala was told to choose staunch leftist Tim Walz as her running mate. Democrats passed on Shapiro because he is Jewish and they feared he would lose Michigan's “Death to Israel” vote.

Waltz is just as angry as she is, and almost as left-leaning. He has that Liz Cheney angry face. That face hates Trump, but won't tell anyone for 10 minutes.

“Waltz” is the perfect name because that's how at least 10 million illegal immigrants have entered our country under Biden/Harris' Sergeant Schultz-like “no-see-nothing” border policies.

If Kamala ties with Trump, the markets will crash. She will be a disaster because, unlike old “Scranton Joe,” she actually believes the left's bullshit. If she wins, we'll all miss the good old days when a sweet dementia patient read speeches from a teleprompter.

Ron Hart is a libertarian editorial humorist and award-winning author who appears frequently on television and radio. He can be reached at Ron@RonaldHart.com or on Twitter @RonaldHart.

The views and opinions expressed in this editorial are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the official position of the Daily Caller.