A love letter to the greatest nation on earth.
Dear America,
Happy birthday to you, you brave bastard. There is no land tougher, wiser, meaner, or more beautiful than the blessed United States, bordered by two seas.
When we decided to put King George’s ass back together, we changed the world and taught others to do the same by fighting for their rights. Every nation, whether they recognize it or not, sees America as the pinnacle of freedom and progress that no empire has ever built. In order to maintain the core tenets of freedom, we had to dig a few teeth along the way.
We strangled Hitler, we drank Stalin under the table, we smashed suicide planes like gnats, we plucked Charlie from peach trees in Georgia. The world should count its lucky stars, From every corner of the wheat and concrete fields, some good old boys rise and kiss the enemies of liberty, decency and goodness with lead kisses. decided to do it.
The work is not done yet, but today is not the day to worry about the outpouring of communism.
Today, we true American patriots pour red, white, and blue into the water, cross icy rivers, and red, white, and blue with as much enthusiasm and glee as the founders who pierced their red coats. Congratulations to all of you. Because if God-fearing Americans don’t, nobody else will. And that’s not an option for the largest country in the solar system.
Well, America, we know you’ve been feeling a little unwell lately… maybe it’s all Bud Light’s fault (or congressional socialists), but let’s not worry about that today. (Related: Exclusive: Source: Anheuser-Busch’s top marketing executive responsible for the boycott is no longer employed)
Today is reset. A day to rediscover American values.
Where in the world can you fire an AR-15, drink cold beer, and complain about inequality all the time without the repercussions of a fascist government hammering your existence?
So it’s time for America to cheer up and drink Yungling by the pool for the best birthday of the year.
Tomorrow we will return to saving our children from awakened socialist ideology, but today we are basking in the light of our former glory. Because if we can’t teach our children how to love America now, how can we hope they love America? in that case?
It’s better to be red than dead, but the whole world would be blue without you.
Love,
truly blessed americans
