Daily Caller’s Historic Softball Victory
The Daily Caller’s expanded Universe softball team scored a significant victory at Virginia Highland Park on Wednesday, with a game that the United Nations labeled as a war crime against the Land Corporation, racking up 22 runs.
Journalists and think tank members gathered for the opening playoff matches in the Thinktank Softball League, and the Daily Callers wrapped up the regular season with an impressive 6-0 record, securing the top spot in the Bull Moose category. Meanwhile, Rand finished with a 3-3 record, placing fourth in the Free Soil category. The Callers extended their successful streak in the TTSL with a dominant 22-5 win in a shortened five-inning game.
Most of the damage unfolded in the initial inning—often referred to as a “first strike” in business jargon. After successfully neutralizing the opposing team, the Callers amassed 13 runs, effectively putting the game out of reach early on. They achieved this feat with nine hits from 11 players, including a stand-out triple from Hybrid Salesperson Josh.
The offensive display didn’t stop there; the team managed at least two runs in each of the subsequent four innings. A visit from sports associate Manfred Went also contributed to a one-hit cycle (a more reasonable achievement than a home run, according to Josh), while intern Kenny wrapped up his Daily Caller softball stint with a solid performance—including two doubles.
Wallace “Wall-e” White, from the Daily Caller News Foundation, added a hit in a game where teamwork proved crucial. Office Squatter Marshall impressed everyone with a brilliant double, highlighted by a dramatic bat flip. Contributions also came from visiting sports fellow Jonah Went and well-known conservative reporter Breccan Tees, who added hits from the designated hitter position.
The female trio from the Callers paid a visit to sports buddy Josie Gallagher at intern Taite’s farewell, making it to base five times with Maggie’s help. Intern Justin “Shohei” Choi, who humorously noted that he picked his nickname himself, also ended his time with the Callers on a high note.
Defensively, the team excelled, limiting the opposition to 0 or 1 run in four out of five innings. Kenny and Jake Berbe formed a formidable left infield pairing, while intern Tayte solidified second base. Visiting sports fellow Will Mitra also defended his claim for the TTSL Gold Glove in left field, with support from Jack, a hybrid salesperson positioned in right.
“He really enjoys seeing batters strike out, even if it’s his own teammates,” Jonah Went remarked during one of Mitra’s plays.
Looking ahead, the Callers are set for a quarterfinal match against the Commerce division. Despite an intern heading back to school this fall, the team is eager to continue its amazing season in pursuit of their first TTSL title since 2022.
This matchup was a rematch of the 2022 Championship Game, marking the first encounter between the two teams since that thrilling 15-12 victory for the Callers in Washington, D.C., a game in which the Scrappy Molddogs triumphed over the Swampy Government Agency and its massive workforce.
Additionally, some individuals expressed their misgivings about the post-game coverage, which was, to be fair, news to me. Just a reminder that all reports by Delacroix aim to be lighthearted and are meant to entertain. If you find his jokes over the line, perhaps it’s time to develop a sense of humor. After all, this is a think tank softball league for good reason; it shouldn’t be dull. If you disagree, the best way to respond is by winning.
On another note, the Daily Callers acknowledge that RAND Corporation engages in various types of research beyond defense—certainly an intriguing subject. It’s a strong game, especially for someone like Charlie.
