In the late 1990s, Erin Merelli’s first love died in a car accident.
At the time, there was no space for her to talk about her grief and come to terms with it. I was always looking,” Merelli recalls.
Decades later, she and business partner Lauren Carroll have finally built the trustworthy space Merelli has been craving. The Deathwives is a collective focused on spreading the conversation about death and helping people feel more comfortable dealing with it professionally and personally.
“It’s been an industry. It’s been very corporate for the last few generations,” says Merelli. “We are changing that. We are stirring it up and democratizing dying care.”
When Carol and Melleri founded Deathwives in 2019 and started their first classes at the Lumber Baron Inn, they didn’t know the pandemic would soon be upon them and shut down in-person classes.
In response, Deathwives switched to online programming and has continued to do so ever since. Now, in-person programming resumes in May, with two of his classes scheduled in Denver so far.
Spots are filling up fast and the first session on May 20th is already sold out.a July 15 Desdula Live Lab It is expected to sell out.
“I was excited to continue teaching online because it allowed me to reach a broader audience, but our hearts are really in local jobs and one-on-one work, so we are excited to be back in Denver. It’s great. Classes are full,” says Merelli.
Carroll adds that learning physical skills, such as covering and caring for your body without chemicals or embalming, will be much easier when you meet them in person. She used to work as a funeral director for Natural Funerals, during which she started educating people about her home funeral.
Merelli, a death doula, found Carol on Google and attended one of her workshops. The two then dined together and eventually decided to create Deathwives together.
The collective is now a full-time gig for both founders, and training is only for those who want to work in the death space by becoming morticians and death doulas (people who help others at the end of their lives). (just like a birth doula helps a pregnant woman).
“What we do is educate families so that they are prepared and understand all their rights,” says Carroll. “We educate community members to help them inform other families of their rights.”
The pandemic has made us more aware of death all around us, so Carol and Melleri built an online platform, Deathfolix. The platform allows people to talk to others about the subject and access virtual lessons created by Merelli and Carol.
“I think other people were like, ‘Me too,’ when we started talking.” I want to share my grief,” says Carroll. “During COVID, we missed a lot. We missed funerals. We missed grieving together. I think I was thinking. It’s like ‘finally’
Deathwives doesn’t just help people deal with the death of a loved one. We also offer funeral workshops and classes for dealing with pet deaths. According to Merelli, people who come to Deathwife workshops are just looking for words to talk about death.
“There are many entrances to this conversation, but in the end, everyone dies, so it’s a universal conversation,” she says.
Colorado is a state on the death front, offering nearly every burial option, from traditional burial to water cremation, natural organic reduction (also known as composting of remains), and open burning cremation. increase. Carroll and Merelli educate people about these options and tailor programming to different groups. Some workshops are just afternoons, while others are 6 weeks long and go deeper.
Deathwife’s goal in returning to in-person teaching is to connect more people with the mystery of death. Mr. Merelli emphasizes that he has no one right way to die or experience death, but people are not empowered to choose the way that is best for them. Deathwives are working to change that.
“I just want them to know that they finally have a choice,” she says. “Funerals should be the greatest reflection of someone’s life, the grand finale of the impact of their life and how they were loved…but they are not. not.”
Carroll says that over the years, nearly everyone knows stories of people attending funerals that don’t respect the deceased’s satiety. You can make a difference by preparing people to feel comfortable advocating for others.
What Carol and Melleri are most excited about about bringing back in-person programming is connecting individuals who crave the same conversations. In addition to May and her July classes, Deathwives has several upcoming events, including a retreat that may host a plant medicine event exploring how psilocybin can help people process death. We have more in-person events planned for the month.
“I hate to keep this a secret from so many people for so long,” says Carroll. “We really do see the anxiety, fear, and our own trauma of death soothed. We cannot know.
Herbal remedies may not be for everyone, but that’s not the point. Anyone interested can find their niche in Deathwives’ many offerings.
“Everyone needs this knowledge. Everyone needs this support. Everyone will go through this at some point,” says Carroll. “No matter who you are or where you come from, we have always cared for the dead. We have always been the ones sitting there dying.”
