Note: This is a satirical piece.
Now, between assassination attempts on President Trump, let's take a moment to evaluate this campaign. Thankfully, it involved governments, not corporations. I'm not saying it was done by the Deep State, but it has all the hallmarks of a government operation: ineffective, confusing, secretive, and unaccountable.
Democrats can't shoot because they're not manly men. Democrats have shot twice so far and not been shot. The only Democrat who can shoot is Alec Baldwin, but he denies it. I think we're all with Alec Baldwin when it comes to shooting a gun on a movie set. It's safer to stand behind him than in front of him.
Our intelligence agencies say there are at least two international terrorist-sponsored teams working to assassinate Trump — four if you count ABC News and the women. ViewThese damaged jobs are the only real jobs created by Democrats this year.
We're waiting for answers from the many federal agencies that are investigating themselves, but don't worry: Biden just held his first Cabinet meeting in a year. Babylon Bee, Biden has been investigating the two assassination attempts and believes the trend is unfavorable. Biden wants to set it right and has said the next assassination attempt should be on a woman of color.
Joe Biden walking out of the Cabinet room and handing over control to Jill Biden is not the issue, what is disturbing is that he handed over control of the DEA and FDA to Hunter for about an hour.
The FBI inexplicably released a letter from the second shooter in which he claimed to have a $150,000 bounty on his neck…or rather, his ears, if he failed to kill Trump — a stunning disclosure made by the same FBI that withheld the manifesto from the Nashville transgender shooter before the election.
Kamala realizes that there is a problem with men voting for her: there is “White Men for Kamala” where the rare white man who wants to vote for Kamala can find community, which is the same logic behind the Furby site.
For those of us who are left as cisgender men, Kamala’s eye-rolling and nasal, nagging, insincere Valley Girl voice make her seem like America’s ex-wife. There are still a few white men in the Kamala camp, but most of them never started out white.
She concocted a TV commercial with her jazz-talented running mate, Tim Waltz, a middle school assistant coach turned Afghanistan defector to the National Guard, in which he acts as if he's changing the air filter in an old car. First, the air filter he's changing is clean. Second, a camo hat won't fool anyone. And finally, you're the kind of people who want to phase out internal combustion engines, right?
Democratic candidates are losing white men. Trump lost some of the “Never Trumpers” during George Bush's failed presidency, old white Republicans like Dick Cheney. This is perfect karma. Trump now knows what it feels like to be dumped by a much younger woman.
Democrats can't win on ideas, so they're engaging in full opposition research and dirty tricks to destroy their opponents. Mark Robinson, a black Republican gubernatorial candidate in the battleground state of North Carolina, was attacked for a 15-year-old, supposedly fabricated porn site post. He was ostensibly from CNN and called himself a “black Nazi.” The American Nazi Party was quick to respond: “We've come a long way as a party. With regards to new members, we need to remind Mr. Robinson that some restrictions still apply.”
And then there's the latest attack on Robert F. Kennedy Jr. The left has dug up a reporter who claims to have found evidence of 10 affairs by RFK Jr. Let's not forget, he's from the Kennedy family. Some men see a hot woman in a bar, consider picking her up, then stop and say, “Why?” Other men see the same woman in a bar and say, “Why not?”
RFK Jr. faced the question head on: When reporters asked Robert Kennedy Jr. if he had had an affair, he quickly responded: “I grew up in a middle-class family…”
Ron Hart is a syndicated libertarian editorial humorist and award-winning author who appears frequently on television and radio. He can be reached at @RonaldHart on X.
The views and opinions expressed in this editorial are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the official position of the Daily Caller.
