Note: This is a satirical piece.

On the first night of the Democratic National Convention, Joe Biden spoke at 11:30 on Monday night, in the not-so-prime time slot. This is not the kind of time slot that would put a president who Pelosi and other Democrats say should be on Mount Rushmore. Speaking of things to put on Mount Rushmore, Bill Clinton is scheduled to speak on Wednesday. Wednesday is Wednesday is Wednesday. Wednesday is Wednesday.

The Democratic crowd went wild just weeks after Biden dropped out of the presidential race, confirming the old show business adage: “Give the people what they want and they'll cheer in appreciation.” They're trying to get Biden out, as Obama and anyone else who's shared a stage with Biden over the past four years should have done.

Biden's speech was meant to be his “swan song.” Here's a little-known fact: Swans are strong. Their wings could break a man's arm. But since humans now have shotguns, swans are unlikely to start anything on humans anymore.

The Democratic Convention was held in crime-ridden Chicago. The weather was bad and the police were everywhere. In this situation, gangs had to delay several murders. Vice Presidential candidate Tim Walz looked at the crime statistics of Democratic-controlled Chicago and asked if they could postpone their trip to Chicago and just Zoom in.

Kamala's only policy statement so far is to implement price controls to combat inflation, a Marxist idea that has never worked. Showing the depth of her knowledge of economics, she said “price manipulation” instead of “price gouging.” It is clear that deep down her knowledge of economics is very shallow. Kamala Harris has been a government politician her whole life. At least Biden learned about business by setting up a bunch of shell limited liability companies and corporations to launder embezzled funds.

Che Guevara, Stalin, Mao, Hitler, Castro, Mussolini, Putin, and Kim Jong Un of North Korea are some of the economic titans who have adopted price controls. More recently, President Maduro used price controls to combat the “parasitic bourgeois” capitalists, ruining Venezuela's inherited great economy. Slandering capitalism is a shallow, pandering strategy that the left always uses. That's what Kamala is doing with her only stated economic plan to save us from Democrat-induced inflation. Let's call her “Che Mala.”

Soviet-style price controls and economic policies show the Democratic Party is leaning far to the left, and Hollywood will portray the villain in the next James Bond movie as a man who eats red meat and refuses to properly identify with his gender.

Kamala continues to shamelessly pander to a group of voters who don't understand economics and just want others to give them things. Free and fair markets are the only way to improve the lives of ordinary people. History is clear: socialist government intervention alienates capital and capitalists from providing goods and services to the people at a fair price.

The media continues to blatantly cover up Kamala’s far-left past. Kamala 5.0 was created in a DNC lab (presumably with Fauci and federal funding from the NIH) and is being promoted by the media. They are “reintroducing” her. She’s been reintroduced more times than the McRib.

A recent Media Research Center analysis found that 84% of media coverage of Kamala was positive, while 89% of coverage of Trump was negative.

Kamala and the grassroots love for “Tampon Tim” is just a cover. Her minions made it look like she went to a convenience store in Pennsylvania to buy Doritos. They had friends infiltrate the cafe to ask Kamala simple questions. Kamala used child actors instead of regular kids in her famously staged Q&A. The only question the press asked her recently was, “Tell me about the work you did in preparing your speech for the Democratic National Convention.” The follow-up question was essentially, “What's your favorite color?” Our media is at an all-time low.

Tim Walz has visited Communist China 30 times, more than Dennis Rodman has visited North Korea. Kamala beat out Bernie Sanders for the most liberal senator. They all seem to be fascinated with Communist policies and what they promise: free health care, medical care, and education. But they don't mention the three big mistakes Communism made against its people: breakfast, lunch, and dinner.

Ron Hart is a libertarian editorial humorist, award-winning author, and frequent TV and radio guest. He can be reached at Ron@RonaldHart.com or on Twitter @RonaldHart.

The views and opinions expressed in this editorial are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the official position of the Daily Caller.