Football is a religion in Alabama, and if someone commits sacrilege against a pastor in Tuscaloosa, the consequences are severe and swift.

Don't believe me? Just ask Tim James. A few days after the 2010 Republican primary, he went on talk radio to boost his chances of winning his penultimate run for governor. Someone asked him about cutting state government. James replied that, as an Auburn University fan, maybe they should consider taking Nick Saban off the state payroll. Maybe someone thought that was funny, but voters didn't.

James finished third in the primary against Robert Bentley, who came in second. The margin between James and Bentley was small, and his comments about Coach Saban were the difference between winning and losing. Bentley went on to become Governor of Alabama. If Tim James hadn't gotten Coach Saban involved, he might have followed his father into the Alabama Governor's Mansion.

The faithful of the Bryant-Denny Cathedral do not want St. Nicholas to be used for anything other than winning a national championship. Using and misusing St. Nicholas will get you excommunicated from your campaign or cause. Slandering the Alabama football Cardinals will get you nowhere.

Still not convinced? Just ask Sean Fain and the UAW. They thought using Coach Saban to promote their union might cost them labor protections in Alabama. In an attempt to get aggressive, the Sean brothers and the UAW priests crossed the line by quoting the coach out of context. They also tried to use Auburn and Alabama logos in their campaign. None of this ended well for the sleeper union.

The university sent a cease and desist letter. That's easy to ignore, a bit of a foot slip on the road to employee nirvana. But using Coach Saban's name, image and likeness? Without permission or compensation. That was the end of the road. A Saturday in the fall is a day to honor St. Nicholas, but he should not be used as a pawn to champion a cause that Governor Ivey opposes. A Hail Mary? That's for the fourth quarter when the gravedigger fails.

The UAW found out firsthand that Alabama people are kind and polite; they even pretend to be interested in hearing a funny accent. In short, Southern hospitality comes to a screeching halt when you commit blasphemy against the state's religion by quoting saints out of context and citing their words as supporting documentation in support of a cause as far removed from the Alabama Catechism as electric cars and diesel trucks.

Everyone is welcome in Alabama. Come and visit us. You'll find a job and affordable housing. You won't be surprised by your taxes. Our Governor won't give you a hard time, and our people are kind. But don't come here and commit a mortal sin against Santa Claus. If you do, you'll wish excommunication was enough.

Jack Cain is an unaffiliated Christian who lives in Pelham, Alabama, with his wife, who is Episcopalian. He has a big-screen TV with a digital video recorder and watches a ton of college football.