There are three certainties in life. Death, taxes, and Kamala Harris, who writhes awkwardly every time she stands in front of the camera.
In fact, there are four certainties in life. The fourth thing is that people grow up, and when they grow up, there are some things they should never do other than what is obvious, such as committing a heinous crime. I can't jet off to Las Vegas to spend a week drinking coke with my girlfriend's high school friends while my wife stays at home with our week-old newborn. You can't blame your liberal mother-in-law for calling Joe Biden the best president America has seen in its lifetime (you can, but I don't recommend it). (Related: There's a silver lining to Biden's border nightmare that rejoices golf fans)
But the most important thing is — I can't stress this enough — No matter how immature and stuck in childhood you are, no matter how much soy passes through your flabby millennial body in your daily diet, it's impossible. — You can't buy Funko Pops! toy. period. Full stop.
Not only do purchases like this instantly turn a man into a beta, but even if his beer goggles that night were super high-strength, it also turns a grown woman into something everyone avoids at a party. It turns you into a high-waisted jeans girl. When Nancy Mace, a paragon of femininity and beauty, buys a pop! Toy, this columnist will immediately see her as a walking red flag rather than a future vice president from the graceful, poised lowlands. (Related: Forget MLK: America's true civil rights symbol deserves a federal holiday, but not for the reasons you think)
Vice President Harris, already a red flag and a far cry from Mr. Mace, fell into an even deeper hole Thursday as she touted her new appointment. george clinton pop! Purchased a camera toy.
clock:
'Border Emperor' Kamala Harris has time to shop, but won't go to the southern border pic.twitter.com/hklgFddl8q
— RNC Research (@RNCResearch) February 22, 2024
There are many reasons to blame Joe Biden for being an incompetent bastard. A messy mess that overflows every time you open your mouth. Her smooth brain, her terrifying laugh. her arrogance.
But pop! toy? It was unforgivable and more frightening than her performance as Border Emperor. She was so miserable that the White House literally shoved her into Joe's basement like Buffalo Bill's victim in Silence of the Lambs and hoped no one would notice. Frankly, it would have been more respectable for her to have been caught ordering a vibrator from Amazon.
America deserves better. America deserves adults who don't have pops on their desks! toy.
