The Wall Street Journal has highlighted a group of parents who have moved away from the “calm parenting” philosophy. It’s interesting because, well, I’ve mentioned this before, but after the article came out, I got a few people asking how I handle my own child. For anyone who’s followed my newsletter, I’d say that this whole “calm parenting” approach might not be doing kids any favors.
One parent shared how, after trying multiple times to get her 13-year-old son to stop playing with water guns, she finally pushed him into the pond. A friend of mine jokingly asked if I’d ever do something like that just to get a little peace. But it’s not really about whether water play is annoying. It’s more about the disrespect behind his actions. At 13, he should understand boundaries, and if he doesn’t respect that, there need to be consequences. Letting kids push past your limits sets the tone for their behavior throughout their lives.
One question we often forget to ask is about the impact of such behaviors. When a child keeps overstepping, it definitely evokes a response. The issue we face with the modern approach is that many feel it’s creating adults who seem to lack respect. It’s tough to watch parents struggle with unruly kids while trying to be gentle and patient. Personally, when I see a child acting out, I feel compelled to step in—if only to make a point, even if it’s a missed opportunity.
The reality is, our kids reflect our parenting styles. Sure, calm parenting might mean you’re less likely to lose your temper, and I’ve been told anger doesn’t help in parenting. But that doesn’t mean that you can’t feel frustrated, especially when you recognize how their actions reflect back on you. But it doesn’t mean being unkind just because you hold the authority. Discipline should come as a response to bad behavior, and it’s better that they learn in the safety of a loving relationship rather than being taught lessons by people who don’t genuinely care for them.
After our recent 10-day trip, we had time to explore Washington, DC, and connect with family for my sister’s upcoming wedding. I took my kids along everywhere. We visited the White House, museums, local eateries, and fine dining experiences. Despite walking an average of 9 miles daily, my kids remained polite and showed respect. This wasn’t just luck; my husband and I have set clear expectations for them. Misbehavior isn’t tolerated, but we’re quick to praise good behavior. It’s all about balance.
There’s a stigma around strict parenting, with many believing it to be too harsh on children. But that perspective shifts when you combine firm guidance with love. My kids respect me not out of fear but because we’ve established consistent discipline. Here’s how I handle things:
- Address the bad behavior immediately. If they continue, they’re just reinforcing their missteps.
- Clarify why the behavior is wrong, providing guidance for the future. This clarity diminishes confusion about expectations.
- Reassure your love for them to remind them they’re safe and supported.
Some behaviors I simply cannot overlook—tantrums, disrespectful dialogue with adults, or running around in restaurants—aren’t acceptable. While there are many rules of etiquette, these basics help us avoid trouble.
Some gentle parenting advocates seem to believe that not disciplining children fosters kindness. But I worry that if children are never told “no,” they won’t develop healthy respect for authority. It becomes clear that these kids might struggle in tougher situations as they grow, becoming resentful or difficult to manage. Ultimately, I think these parents are limiting their children’s potential.
I recognize I’m not a perfect parent. I’ve made mistakes—after all, nobody’s flawless. Yet, I have a mental checklist I use for various scenarios, so my kids aren’t left guessing. I don’t want them unprepared for the world. Gentle parenting can feel like tossing a kid into a shark-infested pool without protection. They can get hurt.
That said, I believe it’s essential to maintain compassion. Never resort to demonizing your child or acting out of anger. Create a nurturing environment that truly sets them up for success.
Through my way of raising my kids, I find they trust my guidance. My teenage daughter often seeks me out for advice. In the end, that trust, respect, and love are what we’re all aiming for.
If you’ve got any questions about this newsletter, feel free to reach out. I may not respond to every message, but I appreciate hearing from everyone. Engaging with this community has been one of the best parts of what I do.
