Note: This is a satirical piece.

The presidential debate took place in Philadelphia on Tuesday, and fittingly, a statue of Sylvester Stallone as Rocky was prominently displayed there, the loser white guy who came out of nowhere to beat up black people and communists.

In the Rockies, the communists beat up the orange man. Trump has failed to do what no one has ever done before: win an argument with a woman.

Since ABC will fact-check Trump but not Kamala, it's clear that David Muir and Lindsey Davis are teaming up with Kamala, and if you want to see more three-on-one action, you'll need to switch from ABC to the porn channel.

Somehow the “hosts” were able to call the police chief of Springfield, Ohio in real time to verify Trump's statement about Haitians eating dog there, but they failed to question Kamala about her possible lie about working at McDonald's.

During the election, McDonald's should run a promotion for their Kamala Employee Discount, where you can get 20% off, no questions asked, just by mentioning that you used to work there.

Vice President Harris' team prepared her Oh well. She prepared for the debate by watching an old documentary about Hitler and screaming at the screen and grimacing in disbelief. ABC must have hired director Cecil B. DeMille, because on cue, Kamala audibly says, “Mr. DeMille, I'm ready for my close-up.” ABC responded.

If Kamala had a flaw, she was like an American ex-wife lecturing her vagabond husband back home.

Trump has always known where he stands. But Harris was more scripted and prepared. Trump is not like Trump. I asked Trump not to debate Biden until the nomination was over, and I kept him in.

Kamala had her way on ABC. No applause, no audience. It was like a WNBA game. David Muir was allowed to give Trump electric shocks if he overpronounced “China.” Trump won the coin toss and was to toss second. Joe Biden was asked to do the coin toss. Afterwards, out of habit, he put the coin in his pocket.

Muir refrained from saying “the defendant please stand up” when addressing Trump.

Muir asked Trump about Kamala's ever-changing roots, from Indian to African-American, allowing her to change her accent depending on what city she's in. To be fair, Trump never had to explain why he became orange when he was once white.

If you don’t think that Kamala Harris has suddenly changed, saying she no longer supports the far-left policies she has advocated for the past few years, then let me sell you one of the bridges in the “infrastructure bill” they didn’t build.

She delivered her lines so well, with her newfound sobriety, that it was hard for anyone paying attention to believe that she wouldn't revert to her old self after becoming president and assuming the immense power of the presidency.

Biden has discussed his biggest enemy: cognitive decline. Kamala should. she In all her previous positions she was enemy number one, and even sitting next to a convicted felon created by the law for a paper crime, she didn't seem intimidated.

The Democratic Party no longer speaks for the middle and lower-middle classes, RFK Jr. noted, and in the 2020 election (when Biden and Trump voted roughly evenly), counties that voted for Biden accounted for 70% of the economy.

The Democratic Party is now the party of the oligarchs, Big Pharma, the medical industrial complex, Wall Street, and the military lobbyists in Washington. The Democratic Party has a system that is just like the oligarchs: they trick the average citizen into thinking they are working for you, when in reality you are just following the orders of the billionaires.

Do you think I am wrong? Name one billionaire Republican at Facebook, Linked In, Google, YouTube, Netflix, Instagram, Oracle, Microsoft, a CEO of a brokerage, a hedge fund, a CEO of an S&P 500 company, etc. The few who do know that they will be destroyed by the Democratic Deep State if they leave the party.

Taylor Swift, a high school graduate, came out in defense of Kamala. I don't know if that will move me. I'll wait to see what the drummer from Third Eye Blind has to say to me.

Ron Hart is a libertarian editorial humorist and award-winning author who appears frequently on television and radio. He can be reached at Ron@RonaldHart.com or on Twitter @RonaldHart.

The views and opinions expressed in this editorial are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the official position of the Daily Caller.